Why I am Not Usually Allowed in the Kitchen Alone

The running joke in our house is that I am not allowed in the kitchen by myself. This golden rule came from the tragic incident that occurred about 3 years ago when I tried being Suzy Homemaker to my then fiance. It all started while I was visiting my dad. He was making deer steaks with onions and a BBQ sauce, the whole house smelled incredible! He insisted that I take some home to cook for my man despite the fact I told him several times about my lack of cooking skills. He assured me it was super easy and even I could handle it. So, I took home a few deer steaks, gave myself a pep talk, and let the cooking begin. I even had a glass of wine out and a candle lit to set the mood of my new found desire for cooking.

I threw the steaks in the skillet, and immediately felt this sense of domesticity. I was convinced my new calling in life was to be a domestic goddess. I felt so confident in my new cooking skills that  I felt comfortable enough to even have some music playing in the background. About 30 minutes went by, yes I said 30, and I decided to throw in the onions, it began to smell delicious. After about 25 more minute...again, yes, 25...jeeze, I threw on the BBQ sauce. The fiance still wasn't home so I thought I'll just let this simmer...and simmer...and simmer. I began to feel very anxious, and called daddy. "Hey dad, so how long you supposed to cook these things for?" Dad: "oh, I don't know 20-25 minutes." Me: "SHIT! I gotta go" That feeling of confidence and laid back ease combined with drinking wine was thrown out the window and replaced with shear panic and pepto bismal to settle my now extremely nauseated stomach.

So I grabbed a knife and cut into the steaks...I used a lot of muscle power to cut through them...and in case you're wondering, yes...I did in fact take a knife to the steaks in the skillet. I have not admitted to ruining the pan until this very day. It was a non-stick and after my then fiance washed it, he was pissed to say the least. I have denied taking a knife to the pan to this day, but as they say, the truth will set you free...so Nathan, my love, it was I who ruined the pan. Thank God it wasn't an all-clad though, right? Honey? Babe??? Just remember, I love you, and I am the mother of your children...and you love me too....right, right???


So as you can imagine, we ordered pizza that night and I was officially banned from the kitchen. Some seem to think I was smart and did this on purpose to ensure I would never have to be responsible for figuring out what was for dinner...and for awhile, Ok, like 3 years, this was kind of a relief, but the fact of the matter is I want to be domestic.I want my husband to brag about the delicious meal his wife whipped up the other night. I want my kids to learn to cook and enjoy family meals at the dining room table not in the car on the way to wherever. I want that life. I watch my mother-in-law and my husband work all day and come home and make something delicious for dinner that doesn't come out of a box, and I wonder how they do it, but I think for them it's a stress reliever...and I could definitely use one of those in my life. So I begged my husband and got the release to be allowed to cook again...all by myself! yay! However, after my first attempt, which I will blog about later, the ban may be reinstated. :-/ We shall see! Well that's all for now people!


Much love and Happy cooking my friends,
Amelia